Who is used as the subject of a sentence or clause. It performs the action. Whom is used as the object of a verb or preposition. It receives the action or follows a preposition. In modern conversational English, who often replaces whom, but whom remains common in formal writing and after prepositions.
Have you ever paused before writing a sentence because you weren’t sure whether to use who or whom? You’re not alone. Even native English speakers often avoid whom altogether because it sounds formal and can be confusing.
The good news is that learning the difference isn’t as difficult as it seems. Once you understand the basic grammar rule, and a few simple tricks, you’ll know when each word is appropriate. You’ll also recognize situations were using who instead of whom is perfectly acceptable in modern English.
In this guide, you’ll learn:
- The difference between who and whom
- The grammar rule behind each word
- Easy memory tricks
- Real-life examples
- Common mistakes to avoid
- Style guide recommendations
- A short practice quiz to test your understanding
By the end of this article, you’ll be able to choose the correct word with confidence, whether you’re writing an email, an academic paper, or a social media post.
What Is the Difference Between Who and Whom?
The simplest way to understand the difference is to think about the role each word plays in a sentence.
- Who refers to the person doing the action (the subject).
- Whom refers to the person receiving the action (the object).
Think of it this way:
- Who = Subject
- Whom = Object
Example 1
✅ Who called you last night?
Here, who performs the action of calling.
Example 2
✅ Whom did you call last night?
Here, whom receives the action because you performed the calling.
This subject-versus-object distinction is the foundation of the rule. Once you identify whether the word is acting as the subject or object, choosing between who and whom becomes much easier.
Understanding the Grammar Rule
A reliable way to choose between who and whom is to compare them with familiar pronouns.
| Subject Pronouns | Object Pronouns |
| I | Me |
| He | Him |
| She | Her |
| We | Us |
| They | Them |
| Who | Whom |
Notice the pattern:
- Who functions like he, she, or they.
- Whom functions like him, her, or them.
Quick Test
Replace the unknown word with he or him:
If he sounds correct, use who.
If him sounds correct, use whom.
Example:
____ is coming to dinner?
“He is coming.”
✅ Who is coming to dinner?
Another example:
You invited ____?
“You invited him.”
✅ Whom did you invite?
This “he/him test” is one of the easiest ways to determine the correct choice.
When to Use Who
Use who whenever the word acts as the subject of a verb.
In other words, the person is performing the action.
Examples
✅ Who wrote this report?
✅ Who lives next dooor?
In each sentence, who is doing the action.
Who After Linking Verbs
You’ll also use who after linking verbs like is, was, or became when referring to the subject.
Examples:
✅ She is the one who organized the event.
✅ He was the person who solved the problem.
Although these sentences contain additional clauses, who still functions as the subject of its clause.
Who in Questions
Many questions naturally require who because you’re asking about the subject.
Examples:
- Who called?
- Who left the lights on?
- Who made this decision?
- Who can help us?
- Who knows the answer?
If the unknown person performs the action, who is the correct choice.
When to Use Whom
Use whom when the word functions as the object of a verb or a preposition. In other words, the person is receiving the action rather than performing it.
Think of it this way:
- Who = Subject (does the action)
- Whom = Object (receives the action)
Examples
✅ Whom did you invite to the party?
✅ Whom have you been talking about?
In each example, whom is receiving the action.
Use Whom After Prepositions
One of the easiest ways to recognize whom is when it follows a preposition such as:
- to
- for
- with
- about
- by
- from
- among
- between
- of
Examples
✅ With whom are you traveling?
✅ Between whom was the agreement made?
These constructions are common in formal writing, business communication, and academic English.
Modern English vs. Formal English
Although whom is grammatically correct in many situations, modern spoken English often prefers who, especially in casual conversations.
Compare these examples:
| Formal English | Everyday English |
| Whom did you invite? | Who did you invite? |
| To whom should I speak? | Who should I speak to? |
| With whom are you working? | Who are you working with? |
| For whom is this package? | Who is this package for? |
In informal speech, these everyday versions sound more natural.
However, in formal writing—such as academic papers, legal documents, business letters, and professional reports—using whom is still recommended when it is grammatically correct.
Who vs. Whom Comparison Table
| Feature | Who | Whom |
| Grammar role | Subject | Object |
| Performs the action | ✅ Yes | ❌ No |
| Receives the action | ❌ No | ✅ Yes |
| Similar pronouns | He, She, They | Him, Her, Them |
| Common in conversation | Very common | Less common |
| Common in formal writing | Yes | Yes, especially after prepositions |
The “He/Him” Trick
If you’re unsure which word to use, replace it with he or him.
- If he fits, use who.
- If him fits, use whom.
Example 1
_____ won the award?
“He won the award.”
✅ Who won the award?
Example 2
You gave the award to _____?
“You gave it to him.”
✅ Whom did you give the award to?
This simple trick works in most situations.
🌍Real, Life Examples
Everyday Conversation
✅ Who is at the door?
✅ Who called while I was out?
Although whom would be grammatically correct in some object positions, most native speakers naturally use who in casual conversation.
Professional Writing
✅ To whom it may concern,
✅ Whom should I contact regarding the application?
These examples sound more polished in professional settings.
Academic Writing
Formal academic writing often preserves the distinction between who and whom.
Examples:
✅ The researcher whom we interviewed specializes in linguistics.
✅ The professor to whom the paper was submitted reviewed it carefully.
Business Emails
Formal:
✅ To whom should I send the revised proposal?
Less formal:
✅ Who should I send the revised proposal to?
Both are widely understood, but the first is more traditional and formal.
Who vs. Whom in Relative Clauses
Relative clauses often cause confusion because the pronoun is not at the beginning of a question.
Use Who when it is the subject.
✅ The woman who called yesterday is my neighbor.
Here, who performs the action of calling.
Use Whom when it is the object.
✅ The woman whom we met yesterday is a doctor.
Here, we performed the action of meeting.
The woman received the action, so whom is correct.
Can You Omit Whom?
In many relative clauses, you can omit whom entirely.
Consider these sentences:
✅ The person whom I met yesterday was friendly.
✅ The person I met yesterday was friendly.
Both are correct.
Because whom is the object, English often allows it to be omitted in everyday writing.
However, you cannot omit who when it is the subject.
Correct:
✅ The student who won the scholarship thanked her teachers.
Incorrect:
❌ The student won the scholarship thanked her teachers.
Is It Wrong to Use Who Instead of Whom?
Not necessarily.
Modern English has become much less strict about using whom, especially in speech.
For example:
Traditional grammar:
✅ Whom did you invite?
Modern conversational English:
✅ Who did you invite?
Most native speakers use the second version, and it is widely accepted in informal contexts.
However, whom remains the preferred choice in:
- Formal writing
- Academic papers
- Legal documents
- Official correspondence
- Fixed expressions (such as “To whom it may concern”)
Understanding the rule allows you to choose the style that best fits your audience and purpose.
What Do Popular Style Guides Recommend?
Modern style guides generally agree that who is becoming more common in everyday English, while whom still has an important place in formal writing. The key is to use each word appropriately based on your audience and the level of formality.
The Chicago Manual of Style
The Chicago Manual of Style recommends preserving the traditional distinction:
- Use who as the subject.
- Use whom as the object.
This approach is especially appropriate for books, academic writing, and professional publications.
AP Stylebook
The Associated Press (AP) Stylebook also recognizes the traditional rule but advises writers not to force whom into sentences where it sounds awkward. Clear, natural writing should always be the priority.
Merriam-Webster
Merriam-Webster notes that whom has become less common in spoken English. While it remains grammatically correct in object positions, many native speakers now use who in informal conversation without causing confusion.
Cambridge Dictionary
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, whom is primarily used in formal English, particularly after prepositions and in written communication. In everyday speech, who is much more common.
The Bottom Line
For most situations:
- Use who in everyday conversation and informal writing.
- Use whom when grammatical precision or a formal tone is important.
- After prepositions in formal writing, whom is usually the preferred choice.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Understanding the rule is one thing; applying it consistently is another. Here are some common mistakes and how to fix them.
Mistake 1: Using whom as the subject
❌ Whom is coming to dinner?
✅ Who is coming to dinner?
Why?
The person is performing the action of coming, so who is the correct subject pronoun.
Mistake 2: Using who after a preposition in formal writing
Less formal:
✅ Who did you send the email to?
More formal:
✅ To whom did you send the email?
Both are acceptable, but the second version is preferred in formal contexts.
Mistake 3: Assuming whom always sounds smarter
Some writers overuse whom because they think it appears more educated.
Incorrect:
❌ Whom wants to volunteer?
Correct:
✅ Who wants to volunteer?
Using whom incorrectly is more noticeable than using who in an informal setting.
Mistake 4: Forgetting the Subject of the Clause
Look at the entire clause, not just the sentence.
Example:
✅ She is the employee who manages our social media.
Even though employee receives attention in the main sentence, who is the subject of manages, so who is correct.
Easy Memory Tricks
1. The He/Him Test
This is the easiest trick to remember.
- If he fits, use who.
- If him fits, use whom.
Example:
___ finished the project?
“He finished the project.”
✅ Who finished the project?
2. Subject vs. Object
Remember this simple equation:
Who = Subject
Whom = Object
If the person performs the action, choose who.
If the person receives the action, choose whom.
3. Look for Prepositions
In formal writing, words like to, for, with, by, about, and from often signal that whom may be the correct choice.
Example:
✅ With whom are you speaking?
Practice Quiz
Choose the correct answer.
1. ____ called while I was away?
A. Who
B. Whom
2. To ____ should I send the package?
A. Who
B. Whom
3. ____ wrote this article?
A. Who
B. Whom
4. The teacher ____ we met yesterday was very helpful.
A. Who
B. Whom
5. ____ is responsible for organizing the meeting?
A. Who
B. Whom
Answer Key
- ✅ Who
- ✅ Whom
- ✅ Who
- ✅ Whom
- ✅ Who
If you answered all five correctly, you’ve mastered the basic rule!
Key Takeaways
- Who is used as the subject of a sentence or clause.
- Whom is used as the object of a verb or preposition.
- The he/him test is the quickest way to choose the correct word.
- In everyday conversation, who often replaces whom without sounding incorrect.
- In formal writing, especially after prepositions, whom remains the preferred choice.
- Focus on writing naturally while following the grammar rule when precision matters.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it okay to use who instead of whom?
Yes. In everyday spoken and informal written English, using who in place of whom is common and widely accepted. However, formal writing often preserves the traditional distinction.
Why is whom becoming less common?
Modern English favors simpler, more conversational language. As a result, many native speakers use who in situations where earlier grammar rules preferred whom.
Is “Who did you invite?” grammatically correct?
In everyday English, yes. Traditional grammar would recommend “Whom did you invite?”, but “Who did you invite?” is now standard in most informal contexts.
Is “To whom it may concern” still correct?
Yes. “To whom it may concern” is a fixed, formal expression commonly used in business and professional correspondence.
Do native English speakers still use whom?
Yes, but much less frequently than in the past. It’s most common in formal writing, legal documents, academic contexts, and set phrases.
Can I completely ignore whom?
Not if you write in formal or professional settings. Knowing when to use whom helps you write more accurately and confidently, even if you rarely use it in conversation.
🎯Conclusion
The difference between who and whom comes down to one simple idea: who performs the action, while whom receives it. Although modern English often favors who in casual conversation, understanding the traditional rule allows you to write with greater precision when the situation calls for it.
Whenever you’re unsure, use the he/him test. If he fits, choose who. If him fits, choose whom. With a little practice, the distinction becomes second nature.
I am Calara Stephen passionate about making English simple and easy to understand through clear spelling comparisons, grammar guides, and language tips. Through thoughtful, reliable content, I aim to be a trusted guide for anyone looking to improve their English.
